Wonder if he used chop-sticks like karate kid...
Hu Xilin, like me, fails to live a grace-full life.
Isn't this what we do when we act without grace? Someone hurts us... we recoil, and are angry. But when we fail to forgive, the relationship stays broken, and our ungrace sucks the life out of is. Our former passions are overshadowed by exacting justice, except justice never comes, and our hate breeds more hate.
If we are ever to regain our normalcy, we must break the cycles of ungrace in which we find ourselves. Otherwise it rules over us, and whether we intended to our not, we reject our King.
Hear the sadness in His voice:
it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.
1 Samuel 8:7b
Thursday, May 27, 2004
My host family is rubbing off on me.
That must be the case. I watched wheel of Fortune with them and then fell asleep during the news! It was like 10:30 or something! I'm more of a 2 a.m. kind of guy. This is ridiculous.
And then, this morning, I slept in later than I normally have been.
Where's my noon medicine...
That must be the case. I watched wheel of Fortune with them and then fell asleep during the news! It was like 10:30 or something! I'm more of a 2 a.m. kind of guy. This is ridiculous.
And then, this morning, I slept in later than I normally have been.
Where's my noon medicine...
Last night was my first time meeting with the youth. Three new faces, six familiar ones. Numbers were down a little bit from the norm. And all of the full-time staffers' kids were absent (they tend to be the ones that are more likely to participate in discussion).
Which may be kind of nice. I'm not quite sure what I think about it. I really want to be able to engage the youths' minds and carry out discussions rather than simply lecturing. But I would of course like to see this participation from everyone in the group. But some are adamant against any such thing. And I guess that's fine. If I can connect with them in a one-on-one setting that is great... but I wonder if the fact that they will not speak in a group setting (of their friends) is not a bit of a problem. If you are so guarded or prideful that you can't be so vulnerable as to answer a question about a fact (not even something as personal as emotion or even opinion), then to whom can you be vulnerable?
Anyway, I'm just sounding off here and don't really expect a rational response. The group last night wasn't bad -- and most people added to the session in some fashion.
One student who is a particularly hard nut to crack has shared that they are glad I'm back, and told me about some of the things going on in their life recently. This person is not afraid to tell me about mistakes and offenses committed, even particularly "bad" ones. I wonder if this wasn't done so that they could see how I would respond. I pray that they will experience God's grace and that will help tear down the walls they put up around them. The transparency they are showing is encouraging and I hope for big things for this young person.
Which may be kind of nice. I'm not quite sure what I think about it. I really want to be able to engage the youths' minds and carry out discussions rather than simply lecturing. But I would of course like to see this participation from everyone in the group. But some are adamant against any such thing. And I guess that's fine. If I can connect with them in a one-on-one setting that is great... but I wonder if the fact that they will not speak in a group setting (of their friends) is not a bit of a problem. If you are so guarded or prideful that you can't be so vulnerable as to answer a question about a fact (not even something as personal as emotion or even opinion), then to whom can you be vulnerable?
Anyway, I'm just sounding off here and don't really expect a rational response. The group last night wasn't bad -- and most people added to the session in some fashion.
One student who is a particularly hard nut to crack has shared that they are glad I'm back, and told me about some of the things going on in their life recently. This person is not afraid to tell me about mistakes and offenses committed, even particularly "bad" ones. I wonder if this wasn't done so that they could see how I would respond. I pray that they will experience God's grace and that will help tear down the walls they put up around them. The transparency they are showing is encouraging and I hope for big things for this young person.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Wednesday night I will be meeting with the youth for the first time. I'd like to spend some time just catching up with them. At the same time, I imagine if we do that for a while things will spin out of control and I might never reel them back in. We'll see. :-) I'm excited to see new faces, and see how some of their foci have shifted more to God from other things.
Last semester I was looking at my friend's band's web site, and I followed some links to other bands' web sites. One was a band local to the church at which I now work -- and I signed their guestbook saying I would be coming to this town soon.
Anyway, the guy was baptized at our church recently, and attends the church regularly. I'm looking forward to finally meeting him. :-)
Anyway, Wednesday we're going to talk about seeking God's wisdom, and as I've been preparing I've realized that one way I don't do that so much is through God's Word. Duh, Nick, get it together! No... but I do pray about decisions... I seek counsel from people around me... and I consider my circumstances and the way God has made me... but not so much in looking to God's Word to find answers.
Last semester I was looking at my friend's band's web site, and I followed some links to other bands' web sites. One was a band local to the church at which I now work -- and I signed their guestbook saying I would be coming to this town soon.
Anyway, the guy was baptized at our church recently, and attends the church regularly. I'm looking forward to finally meeting him. :-)
Anyway, Wednesday we're going to talk about seeking God's wisdom, and as I've been preparing I've realized that one way I don't do that so much is through God's Word. Duh, Nick, get it together! No... but I do pray about decisions... I seek counsel from people around me... and I consider my circumstances and the way God has made me... but not so much in looking to God's Word to find answers.
I started my new job yesterday. It's going great so far, but I haven't done an awful lot. Well, I'm staying busy but I haven't met with the youth yet.
I feel like, in the down-time that I had at home, I was a bit better at spending time with God than I had been. This, in the time that I had almost nothing else pertinent to do in my life. That's when it is easier. Then life picks up again and whoosh things are flying again. I think that still I will be in a better situation this summer than I was in this spring, as far as that goes -- but one obstacle, that was a hindrance last summer -- is that I get so wrapped up in planning activities and studies and hanging out that my own time with God suffers. I know that I'm not alone in this. A's prayer guide made refence to the same hurdle.
An elderly couple has volunteered their house to be my home. They are hard-working country folk, plenty old to be my grandparents. In fact, it turns out, I go to school with one of their grandchildren. Last night I watched the news with them before they turned in. :-) G asked me if I had a computer, and I told him I did -- and that I had one in my car, which I intended to fix this summer. He shared that one of his kids purchased a new one, and they were going to put that computer together with another one, to build a computer for him and his wife. Currently though, they still have some information to be downloaded from the computer before they build the "new" one. Regardless, G isn't sure what they'll do with the computer after they get it. :-)
Perhaps the simpler environment in which I sleep (and eat some amazing meals, if last night is any sign), will help me to live a simpler life.
I feel like, in the down-time that I had at home, I was a bit better at spending time with God than I had been. This, in the time that I had almost nothing else pertinent to do in my life. That's when it is easier. Then life picks up again and whoosh things are flying again. I think that still I will be in a better situation this summer than I was in this spring, as far as that goes -- but one obstacle, that was a hindrance last summer -- is that I get so wrapped up in planning activities and studies and hanging out that my own time with God suffers. I know that I'm not alone in this. A's prayer guide made refence to the same hurdle.
An elderly couple has volunteered their house to be my home. They are hard-working country folk, plenty old to be my grandparents. In fact, it turns out, I go to school with one of their grandchildren. Last night I watched the news with them before they turned in. :-) G asked me if I had a computer, and I told him I did -- and that I had one in my car, which I intended to fix this summer. He shared that one of his kids purchased a new one, and they were going to put that computer together with another one, to build a computer for him and his wife. Currently though, they still have some information to be downloaded from the computer before they build the "new" one. Regardless, G isn't sure what they'll do with the computer after they get it. :-)
Perhaps the simpler environment in which I sleep (and eat some amazing meals, if last night is any sign), will help me to live a simpler life.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
I'm interested to read this man's thoughts as someone "turning away from homosexuality and toward God.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
A few things I've been doing at home:
Watching the windmills in my yard turn
Watching a cat lounge on our driveway
Watching a huge spider crawl along along the table at which I am sitting
Messing up its world for a minute or two
Reading a book on the back deck
Playing guitar on the front porch
Listening to crickets in the woods
Listening to our neighbor's goats baaaaa-ing
Listening to some bird caw-ing
Watching the windmills in my yard turn
Watching a cat lounge on our driveway
Watching a huge spider crawl along along the table at which I am sitting
Messing up its world for a minute or two
Reading a book on the back deck
Playing guitar on the front porch
Listening to crickets in the woods
Listening to our neighbor's goats baaaaa-ing
Listening to some bird caw-ing
Earlier today my dad shared with me a little anecdote about a conversation between his father and him. My papaw was a miner, and as a teenager my dad joiend him working in the mines.
On my dad's first day on the job, as they walked down the slope of the mine shaft, Dad said, "I don't know if I'll be able to handle this." He cut his eyes over to see Papaw share some words of encouragement or sympathy.
Without breaking stride or even turning his head to look at Dad, Papaw said, "You wouldn't be the first."
On my dad's first day on the job, as they walked down the slope of the mine shaft, Dad said, "I don't know if I'll be able to handle this." He cut his eyes over to see Papaw share some words of encouragement or sympathy.
Without breaking stride or even turning his head to look at Dad, Papaw said, "You wouldn't be the first."
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I am a:
What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla
At work or in school: I work best by myself. I like to focus on my ideas until my desire for understanding is satisfied. I am easily bored if the subject holds no interest to me. Sometimes, it is hard for me to set priorities because so many things are of interest.
With friends: I may seem reserved. Although my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity.
With family: I am probably seen as a loner because I like a lot of private time to think. Sometimes, I find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules that don't make sense to me. I show love by spending time with my family and sharing ideas and interests.
What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla
At work or in school: I work best by myself. I like to focus on my ideas until my desire for understanding is satisfied. I am easily bored if the subject holds no interest to me. Sometimes, it is hard for me to set priorities because so many things are of interest.
With friends: I may seem reserved. Although my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity.
With family: I am probably seen as a loner because I like a lot of private time to think. Sometimes, I find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules that don't make sense to me. I show love by spending time with my family and sharing ideas and interests.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
I did indeed survive the semester.
And my grades for the most part were good, all except my Calculus class. I could have done fine in there had it not been for the other classes. Specifically, my NETWORKING class.
It's nice to be relaxing at home. It has rained for ... 3 days straight it seems. I have unpacked my stuff, read, and played guitar. And slept a whole lot.
I've starting reading What's So Amazing about Grace by Philip Yancey. It wasn't really on my reading lists. I read a few of his books before and really liked them, so I did hope to read this book at some point, but it definitely wasn't a priority. However, I saw it in a used bookstore so I bought it and then started reading it. It's been a good read so far. "The atrocious math of grace" -- an interesting topic. Neat to see him talk about how unfair grace is. It's got me thinking about applications of grace in my life. What about forgiving those who don't ask for forgiveness? Can I forgive, and still be hurt, and not trust someone? I feel like I can. Is it elitist for me to tell someone I forgive them, when they haven't asked? Would that get us anywhere?
I do want to go back and finish Celebration of Discipline. Also, I want to take another look at the section on prayer. After discussions with Wes (http://engineer-ambassador.blogspot.com) and Ashlee (http://atoti.blogspot.com) I'm "re-realizing" that I need to be more disciplined about this.
*
Is it a bad thing when you go to the doctor's office, and his solution to your illness consists of two things: a knife and duct tape??? That worries me a bit. But I definitely was given that advice.
Yowza!
And my grades for the most part were good, all except my Calculus class. I could have done fine in there had it not been for the other classes. Specifically, my NETWORKING class.
It's nice to be relaxing at home. It has rained for ... 3 days straight it seems. I have unpacked my stuff, read, and played guitar. And slept a whole lot.
I've starting reading What's So Amazing about Grace by Philip Yancey. It wasn't really on my reading lists. I read a few of his books before and really liked them, so I did hope to read this book at some point, but it definitely wasn't a priority. However, I saw it in a used bookstore so I bought it and then started reading it. It's been a good read so far. "The atrocious math of grace" -- an interesting topic. Neat to see him talk about how unfair grace is. It's got me thinking about applications of grace in my life. What about forgiving those who don't ask for forgiveness? Can I forgive, and still be hurt, and not trust someone? I feel like I can. Is it elitist for me to tell someone I forgive them, when they haven't asked? Would that get us anywhere?
I do want to go back and finish Celebration of Discipline. Also, I want to take another look at the section on prayer. After discussions with Wes (http://engineer-ambassador.blogspot.com) and Ashlee (http://atoti.blogspot.com) I'm "re-realizing" that I need to be more disciplined about this.
*
Is it a bad thing when you go to the doctor's office, and his solution to your illness consists of two things: a knife and duct tape??? That worries me a bit. But I definitely was given that advice.
Yowza!
Friday, May 07, 2004
It was a bit disturbing, when, while working on my last project, my last assignment of the semester, I heard a buzzing sound. I asked my partner what the noise was and he informed me that it was, indeed, his roommate's alarm clock. UGH!
Well, I'm done with my work for the semester. At least, all I have left is demo-ing our last project for my networking class. That'll be this afternoon.
A little frustrating that after so much work, our project really isn't quite done. The spec, and the software we were given our kind of flawed, at least with the approach we took / our professor advised us to take. I really wonder what the status of other people's projects are. We've put a little under 120 hours into our project (total, between my partner and I) in the last few weeks. Not bad, considering we had ummm FINALS. Just under 50 of the hours were mine.
As I was driving back from working on the project at about 5:30 this morning, I decided to stop and take a walk in the park downtown. Is it morbid, for me to think, as the cars zoomed by, that it would be pretty awful for me to get hit by a car right after finishing all of my finals? Not that it wouldn't be at other times, but ... man, right after finals, it's like, what did I go through all of that for? Maybe I can use that to keep a cool head about grades -- I can think "if I get hit by a car next week, this really won't matter so much."
So I returned home, and it's light outside. It was my intention to sit down and play XBox for a while. Hey, it's 6 a.m., I'm done with finals, why not play a game? But, alas, my roommate had unhooked the console. Oh well. This weekend, perhaps.
Mixed-up thoughts from a sleep-deprived mind.
Well, I'm done with my work for the semester. At least, all I have left is demo-ing our last project for my networking class. That'll be this afternoon.
A little frustrating that after so much work, our project really isn't quite done. The spec, and the software we were given our kind of flawed, at least with the approach we took / our professor advised us to take. I really wonder what the status of other people's projects are. We've put a little under 120 hours into our project (total, between my partner and I) in the last few weeks. Not bad, considering we had ummm FINALS. Just under 50 of the hours were mine.
As I was driving back from working on the project at about 5:30 this morning, I decided to stop and take a walk in the park downtown. Is it morbid, for me to think, as the cars zoomed by, that it would be pretty awful for me to get hit by a car right after finishing all of my finals? Not that it wouldn't be at other times, but ... man, right after finals, it's like, what did I go through all of that for? Maybe I can use that to keep a cool head about grades -- I can think "if I get hit by a car next week, this really won't matter so much."
So I returned home, and it's light outside. It was my intention to sit down and play XBox for a while. Hey, it's 6 a.m., I'm done with finals, why not play a game? But, alas, my roommate had unhooked the console. Oh well. This weekend, perhaps.
Mixed-up thoughts from a sleep-deprived mind.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Geek humor:
[13:07] J: lol dude
[13:07] J: i just connected via vnc to my computer at home
[13:07] J: and from there connected vnc to my computer at work
[13:08] N: yeah? i was thinking about putting that on my parent's computer
[13:08] J: it was a digital blackhole
[13:08] N: hehe
[13:08] N: lol funny what did it do
[13:08] J: lmao
[13:08] J: it was like when i look into a mirror and see another mirror
[13:08] J: and the image goes infinately deep''
Good times.
[13:07] J: lol dude
[13:07] J: i just connected via vnc to my computer at home
[13:07] J: and from there connected vnc to my computer at work
[13:08] N: yeah? i was thinking about putting that on my parent's computer
[13:08] J: it was a digital blackhole
[13:08] N: hehe
[13:08] N: lol funny what did it do
[13:08] J: lmao
[13:08] J: it was like when i look into a mirror and see another mirror
[13:08] J: and the image goes infinately deep''
Good times.
Arby's Update:
So today I ordered the same meal as before, but when the lady asked me about sauces, I asked for ONE Arby's sauce packet and "some ketchup".
So she gave me one Arby's sauce packet and eight packets of ketchup. Maybe they have a policy that you have to give a total of 8-10 packets, no matter how you do the combination. LOL, that would be absurd. Maybe they just throw stuff in. I think perhaps that's more likely.
*
I was late to my Asian Philosophy final/session. We really didn't have an exam though; we just turned in papers, and we were supposed to help the professor collate a pamphlet which had the abstracts to our research papers in it. I caught the professor in the office tower and turned in my paper. *whew!*
So today I ordered the same meal as before, but when the lady asked me about sauces, I asked for ONE Arby's sauce packet and "some ketchup".
So she gave me one Arby's sauce packet and eight packets of ketchup. Maybe they have a policy that you have to give a total of 8-10 packets, no matter how you do the combination. LOL, that would be absurd. Maybe they just throw stuff in. I think perhaps that's more likely.
*
I was late to my Asian Philosophy final/session. We really didn't have an exam though; we just turned in papers, and we were supposed to help the professor collate a pamphlet which had the abstracts to our research papers in it. I caught the professor in the office tower and turned in my paper. *whew!*
Now it's Tuesday of finals week. I have two of my four exams out of the way, which is good. I should have an A in Graphics, and a B in Logic/Theory of Computing. I'll take what I can get. If I could have done the last homework, I might have earned an A, but that didn't happen. Porbably I would have still gotten a B. Regardless, I'm really not concerned about it now.
Now all I have left is: my Asian Philosohpy experience essay (due in in ~ 6.5 hours); Networking/Distributed OS Exam; Calculus IV exam; Networking/Distributed OS project. And somehow that doesn't seem too terribly bad. I really haven't been very productive today after my exams. I have written ~ 1 paragraph of my paper. It's only going to be ~ 1 pg long though, talking about my experience in Yoga this semester.
Suddenly I'm very tired. I have put this paper off so long, hopefully I can finish it up w/o too much pain.
My room is loking fairly clean right now, at least the part of it that is usually covered with junk. Unfortunately, a lot of that junk is on my bed, so it will get moved back to the floor soon.
*yawn*
If anyone wants to buy some books for me, go to www.amazon.com, click on "Wish List" and then type in my name -- first and last. The top choice should be me, with my list. If you could just go ahead and have those sent to me, that'd be great. Thanks lol.
I guess right now my reading list is something like this:
*finish Celebration of Discipline
*perhaps go through/back through Calvin Miller's Hunger for the Holy
*read the Dr. Miller's childrens book that I purchased, and mentioned on here previously
*John Ortberg's The Life You Always Wanted
*Advanced Windows (okay geek book there, and not one you wnt to just read. but i probably should go through it)
Of course, my priorities might shift. Especially if I buy some new books. I think Ortberg's book is also about spiritual disciplines,so I might put that off if I get some different books to read. But then again reading another such book might be positive reinforcement for what we discussed in discipleship group this semester, and I might retain more of the information. Hrm, I'll have to think about that one.
I feel a little hokey looking for books on youth ministry. Like I'm going out looking for the perfect program, when really that's not what's important. I just know that there are people who can share things with me and maybe I can draw inspiration and pick and choose good ideas or concepts from them. I'm interested to read the family-based youth ministry book that is in my wish list.
When I worked in youth ministry I felt like one of the things that I needed to do was to nudge the youth in the direction of fostering a positive relationship with their parents. Or, perhaps more specifically, to heal broken trusts, when they existed.
When I grew up there were very few people in my life that I knew that studied the Bible on a regular basis. May seem strange to say. I remember my aunt, and J___'s mom studying their Bibles. I don't recall much more, of people, independently, outside of church, studying. I just think it could have a lasting impact on the youth to be in an environment where they could discuss things with each other as Christian peers. And if positive relationships form then those can continue even after I leave.
I'm very tired now. And not quite sure when I will finish this paper if I remain this tired.
*
I really wonder how many people actually read this site. It seems more like a place for me to rant and for Ashlee and I to converse, at this point.
g'night all....
nick
Now all I have left is: my Asian Philosohpy experience essay (due in in ~ 6.5 hours); Networking/Distributed OS Exam; Calculus IV exam; Networking/Distributed OS project. And somehow that doesn't seem too terribly bad. I really haven't been very productive today after my exams. I have written ~ 1 paragraph of my paper. It's only going to be ~ 1 pg long though, talking about my experience in Yoga this semester.
Suddenly I'm very tired. I have put this paper off so long, hopefully I can finish it up w/o too much pain.
My room is loking fairly clean right now, at least the part of it that is usually covered with junk. Unfortunately, a lot of that junk is on my bed, so it will get moved back to the floor soon.
*yawn*
If anyone wants to buy some books for me, go to www.amazon.com, click on "Wish List" and then type in my name -- first and last. The top choice should be me, with my list. If you could just go ahead and have those sent to me, that'd be great. Thanks lol.
I guess right now my reading list is something like this:
*finish Celebration of Discipline
*perhaps go through/back through Calvin Miller's Hunger for the Holy
*read the Dr. Miller's childrens book that I purchased, and mentioned on here previously
*John Ortberg's The Life You Always Wanted
*Advanced Windows (okay geek book there, and not one you wnt to just read. but i probably should go through it)
Of course, my priorities might shift. Especially if I buy some new books. I think Ortberg's book is also about spiritual disciplines,so I might put that off if I get some different books to read. But then again reading another such book might be positive reinforcement for what we discussed in discipleship group this semester, and I might retain more of the information. Hrm, I'll have to think about that one.
I feel a little hokey looking for books on youth ministry. Like I'm going out looking for the perfect program, when really that's not what's important. I just know that there are people who can share things with me and maybe I can draw inspiration and pick and choose good ideas or concepts from them. I'm interested to read the family-based youth ministry book that is in my wish list.
When I worked in youth ministry I felt like one of the things that I needed to do was to nudge the youth in the direction of fostering a positive relationship with their parents. Or, perhaps more specifically, to heal broken trusts, when they existed.
When I grew up there were very few people in my life that I knew that studied the Bible on a regular basis. May seem strange to say. I remember my aunt, and J___'s mom studying their Bibles. I don't recall much more, of people, independently, outside of church, studying. I just think it could have a lasting impact on the youth to be in an environment where they could discuss things with each other as Christian peers. And if positive relationships form then those can continue even after I leave.
I'm very tired now. And not quite sure when I will finish this paper if I remain this tired.
*
I really wonder how many people actually read this site. It seems more like a place for me to rant and for Ashlee and I to converse, at this point.
g'night all....
nick
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